Remembering Sexual Abuse

When is someone most likely to remember being molested or abused?  Memories which were previously suppressed may arise under many different circumstances, but three factors are usually present:

1) The survivor has distanced themselves from the original abuse, either by time or geography or some other means
2) An event occurs in the survivor's life that breaks through previous defenses
3) A "trigger" restimulates the memory of the original abuse

If a survivor was abused as a child, she may not be able to remember what happened until she is grown and away from her adult abuser, until she is safe.  She may not be able to remember until she has moved away from the place where it happened, or until the abuser is dead and can no longer harm her.  What kinds of situations might provoke memories to resurface then?

Stressful or Painful Events

such as divorce or death may leave a survivor vulnerable to memories rising up.  Anything that provokes painful feelings or leaves you stressed may provoke memories.

Medical Procedures

Triggers are events which resemble the original abuse.  A gynecological exam can be especially difficult for women who were molested because it involves the same kinds of physical feelings and a sense of violation.  Other invasive medical procedures may function as triggers as well.  But triggers do not have to be this obvious.  A smell, a touch, a sound, a taste, a sight which resembles something in the abusive environment can also trigger memories.  

There are other situations in which memories are more likely to come through. 

Getting Sober

If you have been using drugs or alcohol to suppress the memories or anesthetize the pain memories may start to resurface when you stop using them.  When you stop using whatever form of "anesthesia" you have chosen to numb the pain feelings will start to resurface, probably the same feelings that were the reason for the drug or alcohol use to start with.  In order to maintain your sobriety you will have to deal with those feelings and the memories that accompany them.  The substance abuse field has stated in the past that you have to be clean and sober for one year before entering into therapy.  Research now shows that people who abuse drugs or alcohol have a very high percentage of co-occurring trauma symptoms.  It is now recommended that the trauma symptoms be addressed concurrently with the substance abuse treatment.  If you don't learn how to deal with these symptoms in a healthy way you are likely to relapse and utilize the only method you know to stop the pain. 

Stopping other Addictive or Compulsive Behaviors

Many people use other addictive or compulsive behaviors to distract or mask feelings and memories.  If you are a compulsive shopper and decide to put yourself on a budget and restrict your shopping you may start to feel the feelings.  A compulsive eater who uses food to stuff down her feelings and distract herself from the memories may find feelings, thoughts and memories starting to surface when she puts herself on a diet.  If you have maintained a heavy weight in order to wrap yourself in a protective layer of body armor - literally - losing weight and becoming thin like you were when you were molested can provoke a lot of anxiety and memories. 

Becoming a Mother

Having children who are reaching the same age you were when you were molested can provoke memories of the abuse.  The physical sensations of being pregnant and giving birth, not to mention the numerous gynecological exams which are required during pregnancy, may also provoke memories.

Experiencing another Trauma

Being exposed to another trauma, whether it is related to sexual abuse or not, can reawaken the memories as your body experiences some of the same sensations and reacts in some of those old familiar ways that were involved in the original trauma.  If you are raped as an adult it can certainly provoke memories of childhood sexual abuse.  But even other kinds of trauma (automobile accident, natural disaster, a robbery) can rekindle those memories.  Traumatic events which are experienced by a community or a country (terrorist attack, bombing, heatlh epidemic) can also cause memories to surface.  Your body feels the fear, the pain, dissociation and these feelings are familiar, and linked to those old memories.

See more articles on this site about Sexual Abuse.

Read more about sexual abuse at Amazon.com.  Two classic books on the subject for survivors of sexual abuse are The Courage to Heal and The Courage to Heal Workbook.

Comments

[Just Be Real]

Great info. I certainly can relate to the surpressed memories. I appreciate this information very much. Thank you!

[Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker]

Thanks for choosing this topic to write about. Suddenly getting memories of forgotten events in your life can make you feel crazy for awhile.

[MarjakaThriver]

For me, it was having a baby. What a roller coaster ride it has been since then! I am the founder and maintain The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. Thanks so much for joining us with this fine post for this month's edition.

[Kellen]

Thank you all for your comments. It's always nice to know that something you have written has been found beneficial. I especially wanted to write about it because I have clients who, like Patricia writes, feel "crazy" when this happens to them. I wanted others to know that they are not crazy and that what is happening is what normal people do when they have been sexually abused.

I hope to write more about this subject in the future because I find that it is so prolific in our society and so important to speak up about it.

Thank you all for posting your feedback.

[Kim]

Great post. I've certainly fallen into many of these situations. I will never forget one day driving along on a gorgeous day with the windows open when the smell of a certain flower hit me with such force, I had to pull over for the triggered memories that followed. You just never know when a memory will be brought up.

[Kellen]

Oh you are so right. And the sense of smell can bring the most powerful memories of all. I'm glad you were able to pull over. You also make a very good point about never knowing when they will occur. I think that is one of the most stressful things about them.

Thank you for your comments and for sharing with other survivors.