How to Help Homeless Children

Homeless children are the most vulnerable people in the homeless community and should be the primary focus of efforts to address homelessness.  I am fortunate to live in a community where people are anxious to help and are very generous, but there does not seem to be a lot of accurage information in the community about the needs of homeless children.  I hope this article provides necessary information for individuals who want to help with this worthy cause.  

To help homeless children it is important to understand they environment they live in.  The homeless lifestyle is stressful and nomadic.  Chronically homeless children are often witnesses to, and sometimes victims of, domestic violence, substance abuse, assaults and death.  They lead very precarious and chaotic lives and their family life is usually quite dysfunctional.  Chronically homeless families are constantly struggling to pay the rent and stay ahead of creditors.  There is little time or energy left over for parenting, nurturing or educating children.  Donations and volunteers from the community who want to help address these deficiencies are always needed.  But it is important to understand what is needed and how to provide it.  These are just some suggestions.

1.  Be sensitive
Homeless children are usually embarrassed about being homeless. They do not want to be identified as being homeless, or living in a shelter, or being poor.  If you are taking them out in public be aware how you talk about the group, how the group is identified and how the group is treated.  They do not want to be spectacles.  They do not want to stand out.  They do not want to be pitied.  One group them on a shopping trip to Walmart, had the manager paged over the PA system that the "homeless children" were in a certain area of the store, then made a production of photographing the children receiving the new clothing in the middle of the store with other shoppers standing around watching.  I realize that funding sources often require photo opportunities for their newsletter and other forms of proof that the donated monies were used appropriately, but please be aware of how this takes place.  If you have questions, talk to shelter staff about it.  When we transport children to public places we do so in an unmarked van and remove our identification badges so the name of the shelter is not visible.  We look try to look like an ordinary church or school group.

2.  Be honest about your motives for wanting to help homeless children.
The last thing these children need is to be used as pawns to make yourself feel better or to further your cause.  I have one organizer for a local church group who constantly tells me she needs enough children to attend their events so that her volunteers can "have a good experience".  I cringe every time she says it.  The children in our shelter are not here to make her volunteers feel good.  They have serious issues of their own.  I also have churches who have received monies through the faith-based initiative program and want to use them to develop programs for the children in hopes of indoctrinating homeless children with their organization's religious ideals.  Using the vulnerability of homeless children to push a religious agenda is also inappropriate.  If you truly want to help homeless children you would be hard-pressed to find more deserving recipients of your money, donations, time and efforts.  But please be sure you are doing what is best for the children. 

3.  Talk to your local shelter staff to find out what the children actually need.
The media does not always portray homelessness accurately.  As a result, people are often misled about what homeless children need.  The best information will come from people working directly in the shelter in your local area.  Where the shelter is located can determine what the needs are.  Our shelter is located downtown in the middle of a city.  Others are in small towns or at the edge of town.  These are two completely different environments and the needs of the children in these shelters may differ greatly.  Children in our shelter would benefit greatly from having volunteers take them out of the downtown environment to a park or playground where they could get out of their concrete rooms and run and play in fresh air.  Children in smaller towns or in shelters out the outskirts of town may have plenty of room to run and play but may need time in a library. 

Talking to shelter staff about what is actually needed can also help you avoid donating time or money to things which are already well supported and allow your generosity to fill desperately needed gaps. 

Example:
At Christmas our shelter is swamped with gifts and inundated with Christmas parties and Santa Clauses.  The rooms in the family dorm are packed to the ceilings with toys.  The rest of the year our children go without desperately needed assistance that they actually need.  Donating presents at Christmas makes a lot of adults feel really good about themselves, but it doesn't address the needs of the children.  I have literally pleaded with organizations to reschedule their events or gift giving for other times during the year.  A "Christmas in August", right before children go back to school, would be marvelous.  Provide them with clothing, shoes and backpacks which are fresh and new like the other children at school.  So far I have had no takers.  This goes back to suggestion #1.  Please be honest about why you want to help homeless children.  Is it for them, or for you? 

The Christmas situation I've described above is what occurs at our shelter which is located downtown in a city.  This may be very different in a shelter in a small town.  They may be desperate for Christmas presents or activities so that their children will not be the only ones in class who didn't have a Christmas.  This is why I ask that you please check with the shelter staff in your area regarding the needs of their children.  

4.  Know your population
There are two different populations of homeless children; minor children living with their parents and teens.  In my city, these two different populations are served by separate shelter systems.  They may all be living together in your town or city.  Or the teens may be living out in the woods.  If there is not safe place specifically designed to handle teens, they may be thrown in with homeless adults which can be very unsafe for them.  So they move to the woods and congregate there in some communities.  Think about which group you want to work with.  I think everyone's heart goes out to small children and typically, teens are woefully underserved.  But either group is in great need of any assistance you can provide.  Decide which population you prefer to work with then find out who is serving them (or not) and what they might need.  If you want to work with teens who do not have a shelter system, you might talk to the local police force and see where they are living in your community.

5.  Donations
Homeless shelters rely heavily on donations.  Again, I am very lucky that the community in which I live keeps us afloat with very generous donations.  What kinds of donations are needed?

• Money
  Donating funds for shelter staff without stipulating how it be used is very, very generous.  It allows shelter staff to fill gaps in donations or funding, especially now with funding cuts being so severe.  Cash donations will be used to purchase items children need (diapers, formula, bottles, wipes, clothing, medicine, school supplies, car seats, strollers, blankets, bedding, underwear, etc.). 
  
• Clothing
  Clothing donations of clean, season appropriate (summer, winter, etc.), gently worn clothes in all ages and sizes are never wasted.  Nor are donations of shoes and jeans, especially the popular ones which children are expected to wear to school.  Donations of coats in the winter are greatly appreciated.  Packages of new, unopened underwear are very helpful.  At our shelter we maintain a clothing closet in which parents can find clothing for themselves or their children year round.  Homeless children are extremely sensitive about being labeled as "homeless" in school and are even more sensitive about their appearance than housed children.  As you would expect, this is even more important for homeless teens.
  
• Time
  Most people in the United States are already burning the candle at both ends to keep their own heads above water so asking for time is hard to do.  But it is a very, very valuable commodity when working with homeless children.  If you are disabled, retired or otherwise have time, but a limited amount of funds, you can still be a great help in a homeless shelter.  The time and attention of a caring and functional adult is priceless and costs nothing.  Most homeless children live in families who are chronically homeless.  I think the media often portrays homeless families as being average, working class families who suddenly loses a job or experience a difficulty and they end up homeless.  This does happen.  But it is not the norm in my city.  Homeless families are typically very low functioning and rife with problems like domestic violence and substance abuse.  They move or relocate frequently.  As a result, homeless children typically have a very high truancy rate.  They are often lagging in school and I see a lot of children with reading and speech delays.  How can you help?
• • Tutoring
    To sit and read to a child every day or once a week is like gold.  Tutoring them in classes in which they are having trouble can be invaluable in helping them catch up with their new class or to make up for lost time.  I have worked with many homeless children who are truly gifted.  Some are absolutely brilliant.  But the chaotic and traumatic lifestyle they are living seriously impairs their ability to function at school and puts them behind.  Reach out and nurture these very fertile minds and provide them with the tools they need to succeed in school.  If you doubt the importance of this work let me point out that the majority of their parents did not graduated from high school.  And homeless children grow up to be homeless parents.  Failing to graduate from high school definitely impairs their ability to obtain and maintain stable employment and therefore steady housing.  Helping their children complete the schooling their parents did not may offset some of the factors causing homeless children to become homeless adults. 
  • Be a Big Brother or a Big Sister
    Homeless families are nomadic and chaotic.  If you can establish the relationship of a mentor with a homeless child and stay in their lives after they leave shelter you may be able to provide one solid rock in a very turbulent life.  That may be the factor which prevents that child from becoming a homeless adult.  I would not recommend being a source of money or other tangible resources.  But to be there to listen, advise and validate a child's efforts to do well in school or other endeavors in spite of their family's turmoil may be the factor which makes a difference in their lives.
    
    After they leave the shelter, homeless children need people to stick with them in the community and teach them the values of the middle/working class.  They need a stabilizing force in their lives that shows them how your average working class citizen functions.  Teach them a good work ethic, how to succeed in school, how to interact successfully with others.  Build their self esteem and teach them how to succeed in this culture.  Give them the tools their parents were not given.  
    
  • Take them out
    Homeless children in a shelter in a city are cooped up in a classroom the majority of the day, then return to a concrete shelter dorm room for the rest of the evening.  To be taken to a park, soccer field, playground or basketball court to run and play and get some fresh air would give them some necessary exercise, would relieve their parents from being cooped up with a room full of children in a small place and would provide some healthy interaction with members of the community.  Field trips to age appropriate museums, plays, sporting events or other activites are also very helpful. 

Comments

[Lee]

I was homeless as a teen, and there are some ridiculous people out there who would try to take advantage of your vulnerability, or treat you as if your situation was because you're just a bum, not someone who left an abusive situation.

I remember I had an employer when I was homeless who was absolutely disgusting. He lied about wages. Then he would threaten me if I wanted a day off, or had an emergency like a funeral to attend. He told me he didn't care if I had school, or a funeral to attend- I was to be at work- for $4/per hour.

It's amazing how this asshole felt he was helping me. Even scarier is no one was protecting me, or just shutting this man down for shady business practices.

[Dave Ray]

Unfortunately, like a lot of their media-induced impressions of the homeless, people still have a picture in their minds of a Dickensian-like waif (think Oliver Twist!) when it comes to homeless children. They also assume that that there are automatically services in place to assist the children with their basic needs, but it's not always the case.

I'll give you an example: the other day, I helped out at the shelter warehouse with a bunch of shoes that had been donated for children by a local company. There were lots of shoes - for the boys. There were girls' shoes, but it was just a fraction compared to what was donated for the boys (I guess boys' shoes were the majority of the leftover inventory.) My point is, while it was a very generous donation, it was rather hit-or-miss availability-wise when we went to claim the shoes for the clients in our shelter and the other shelters we were helping out with the donation.

The real shame is when people donate money to the homeless for the sole purpose of getting reductions in their income taxes without any consideration of where the money goes (your point not about not directing donations not withstanding.) As you said, these kids need more than just money, they need time and caring adults outside of their families. In some of the more dysfunctional families in which poor to marginal parenting takes place, these adults from the "outside" who are generous with their time are giving an extra gift: a good adult example.

[Kellen]

Hi Dave,

Your point about "a good adult example" is exactly right. Thank you for stating it so succinctly. Shelters run on donations and I am always grateful for the generosity of the community in which I live. But children need nurturing and functional examples. Thank you for reiterating this.

[Kellen]

Lee,

That truly is scary, but unfortunately I know it happens. I think homeless teens and children are the most vulnerable in our society. Yet so little is done to actually help them. I am fortunate to live in a community which has a very large and active program designed especially for homeless teens. Most communities do not and that is very sad. From what I have seen most teens are homeless in an attempt to escape a very bad home situation, whether they are being pawned off to their parents' drug dealers for sexual favors in exchange for drugs, molested by a family member or abused, no one leaves home at such a young age without a very good reason.

I hope you have found a home and are safe now. If there is any information you would like to get out to the public about homeless teens, please let me know. I would be happy to post it in this forum.

[Alex_C]

Lee - I was nearly homeless and ended up working for an employer like that. Yes, he helped me. I only had proper shoes for work because there was a pair in the back room I was allowed to use. The guy gave me "pep talks" etc but he also didn't pay the extra pay for overtime, pay was in the toilet, and hours were long and the work HARD. I eventually left and moved on with my life. I went back there in 03, that big bully's a little, almost wizened man now, it's amazing. I was scared of the guy way back when, now I dunno what happened to him, liver trouble or just plain the effects of years of overwork and meanness, but he's a sad specimen now. And I'm gonna come out and say it: My heart gave a little leap of joy, after the initial shock, to see this. I also feel kinda bad about this but dammit, the guy's made his bed and how he's lying in it, good for him. I also noticed he has a "slow" (retarded) fellow there now, doing the work I used to do, scared and at a constant run.

The world is full of bullies.