Power Games

Claude Steiner, author of "Scripts People Live" describes power struggles and maintains that there are two reasons people attempt to use power against others and two kinds of power which can be utilized to bring others under one's control.

Steiner posits that power moves exist for one of two reasons: 1) scarcity of resources and 2) feelings of worthlessness.   This power, according to Steiner, can manifest itself in two forms:  1) physical power and 2) psychic power.  Physical power is the actual taking of life, property or land in order to get what you want.  Psychic power is using some form of mind control or manipulation to overpower someone. 

Steiner proposes that the one reason people exert power over others is due to scarcity of a resource.  If it is not possible for everyone to receive their fair share, some will resort to power to take theirs from others.  I tend to think of resources as concrete, physical items.  But resources can also be love, affection, attention, time.  If, for example, a family system is very depleted in any of these resources, family members may resort to power moves to get their fair share of them.  Small children may manipulate, whine or act out to get the attention they need from their parents.  Adults may play Victim-Persecutor-Rescuer games to get the emotional strokes they need from others.  Others may become drama queens to "steal" attention away from others.  Still others may bully or intimidate those they love in order to control them and get the "love" they require.  I think this form of psychic power, this attempt to take what you need by force or manipulation, is at the heart of domestic violence and other abusive relationships. 

Steiner's second reason why people use power over others is the "hot potato".  If a person feels they are not "O.K.", they will try to pass this feeling of worthlessness to someone else, like a hot potato.  It they can convince themselves or others that the other person is less O.K. they can enhance their own feelings of strength and power.  They are then able to say to themselves or others, "at least I'm not as bad as that".  By tearing someone else down, they improve their own standing by comparison.  This is often how the scapegoat role in a family or a job setting works.  "Look at how badly so-and-so is acting (and how good I look by comparison)".  Some wise person once said, "Criticism is a form of boasting". 

And while physical power is much more obvious, I think in many ways psychic power is much more insidious.  We usually think of power struggles as those very blatant ones which involve physical abuse of someone else, such as domestic violence or instances of genocide, such as are we have recently seen in Africa.  Psychic power, on the other hand, is a much more slippery slope.  Psychic power can be manifested as a form of mind control which convinces people to give up their fair share by convincing them it is to their advantage.  Violent relationships don't start with a slap, but with a mind game.  The abuser gets control of their partner's mind first, then the violence begins.  Psychic power can permeate an entire culture without really being seen.  It can be used to color how we think about things.  Racism and sexism are the results of manipulations of our thinking to convince us that certain sectors of our society are inferior or less worthy.  The "war on drugs" and the "war on terror" are mind games used to convince us to give up some of our personal powers and rights and hand them over to those in political office.  Psychic power can also be exerted in the form of marketing campaigns.  Pharmaceutical companies have convinced us that normal human behaviors such as shyness and fading sexual function with age are "disorders" (respectively Social Anxiety Disorder and Erectile Dysfunction Disorder) which need to be treated, with their medications of course.  Marketing campaigns have also been used to convince us that we will be happier if we own the latest electronic gadget, drink the right beer or drive the right car. 

Why is this important?  It's important to know when you are being manipulated or bullied.  It's important to know when your ideas, beliefs or feelings are being influenced - and how.  Being aware of how power can be used against us helps up to protect ourselves from being unduly manipulated or influenced, whether by societal entities or in our personal relationships. 

 

Comments

[Rick Belden]

You said:

"Psychic power can permeate an entire culture without really being seen. It can be used to color how we think about things."

This is such an important point, and I see it all at levels: family, work environment, media, religion, politics. This, to me, is the real "matrix" and it is, as you said, the central leverage point of power and control in any case of manipulation and domination of one party by another. I've written about it here:

http://rickbelden.com/blog/2008/12/25/whose-dream

It's also, paradoxically, the weakest link in the chain of control, specifically because there is nothing "real" about it. It's just conditioning, and it can be seen, broken down, and broken through, if one is willing, at which point liberation into a greater authenticity of experience can truly begin. But it can be a lonely journey. Hopefully more will join us on that journey as time goes on.

[jss]

Hmm, maybe this falls under one of the headings above put I also think sometimes the quest for power is a defense as in gaining the upper hand, whether physically or psychically has the effect of keeping others at a distance. If I can grab the power than by extension I also grab the control and I get to dictate how close anyone gets to me.

[Kellen]

Rick,

As usual, you have summed it up beautifully. That's why you are such a great poet! I love what you say about it being "the weakest link in the chain of control, specifically because there is nothing 'real' about it."

That is so very true. It only exists in our head. And only if we allow it. When we stop allowing it, it stops having any power over us.

Thank you again for the wonderful feedback.

[Kellen]

Hi Jss,

That is an excellent point and one I completely overlooked. I see that a lot with people who have been traumatized or psychically injured in some way. And you are absolutely right, it is used as a defense. Thank you taking the time to post it.