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« Why Healthy Boundaries are Important in Relationships | Main | America's "Abuse Syndrome" »

December 07, 2009

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I believe that my youngest brother has NPD. Triangulation, manipulation, scapegoating it all works in my family. Everyone in my family has some type of personality disorder, My father is severly OCPD, (I never did anything right EVER according to him)my middle brother is OCPD my mother is passive/aggresive Co-dependent.
My mother enables my two younger brothers disorders to the point where I am made out the bad guy if I say anything, or talk truths about them. But she complains about my Dad! (go figure) The brother that has NPD is somthing else now, He disowned us (me and hubby) because of an electric bill that brother thought we didn't pay, we did pay it. (long story) When we proved it, we shouldn't of even went to the trouble of printing the reciept, because he will never acknowlege he was wrong. and neither will my Mom. I am trying to "cut the ties" but my Mom is making it almost impossible by attempting to make me feel guilty. This all came to surface within the past 2 years after I married the man of my dreams. Finally I am happily married! I just got a new job making alot more money. It's almost as if I am not suppose to be happy. Whenever I am, my family does something to remind me that happiness is a no, no.! how do I walk away from the maddness without my heart suffering?

Hi Kerri,

I'm so sorry to hear that you are having to go through this. Breaking away from unhealthy family interactions and learning to setting appropriate boundaries can be really difficult. And your heart may suffer, but it sounds like it already is. Perhaps it could learn to be happier by managing those toxic relationships in a healthier way? What is your husband's family like? If it is healthier than yours, study it. And talk to him. What do they do differently - and how do they do it?

Undoing years, sometimes decades, of unhealthy patterns in a family can require the help of a therapist. Family members can often push our buttons like know one else, because they know us so well. Be patient and ask for help if you need it.

My thoughts are with you.

My husbands family is great. They are there for him if he needs them but for the most part they keep to themselves except during racing season, then we are together alot at the horse track. (They/we train race horses) I speak to my husband about my family and he is very understanding and supportive. I purchased Dr. Susan Forward's book "Toxic Parents" it is providing some insite for me that is helpful. I have to read through it slowly, putting it down for a few days when I stumble onto topics that stir up emotions. I'm 47 years old and I have always felt that my families behavior wasn't quite right..... but couldn't put my finger on it until a few months ago when I was trying to figure out what my brother's problem was. I stumbled across this site and a few others and everything started making sense. I want to thank you for this web site, and thank you for replying.
Sincerly
Kerri

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