She's not Bipolar, She Has PTSD

She's crying uncontrollably.  "They say I'm Bipolar, but I just don't think I am." 

She explains that she has a history of heavy drug and alcohol abuse and every time they diagnosed her with Bipolar Disorder she was drunk or high.  "Can they diagnose me with something when I'm impaired like that?"  She has stopped taking her medications and is experiencing 20 years of emotions which have been suppressed with either drug use or psychiatric medications.  She has been clean and sober for a year and a half.  She has a history of serious physical and sexual childhood abuse.  She believes this is the root of her problems.

I believe she is right.  I believe she is not "abnormal", she does not have a "disorder" and she is not mentally ill.  She is having a very normal reaction to a very abnormal situation - childhood abuse.  But none of this is important.  What is important is that she knows it, but doesn't trust herself.

Just because someone has a degree or a license or a bunch of letters behind their name does not mean they know more about you than you.  Just because someone takes it upon themselves to slap a diagnosis on you, does not mean it is accurate or appropriate.  Think for yourself.  Listen to your heart, your mind, your instincts and trust what they tell you. 

After talking to this client she decided that stopping the meds all together was putting her sobriety at risk because the intensity of her emotions was too extreme to be tolerated.  She was experiencing cravings and had many thoughts of relapsing back into drug use to get relief.  She was also starting to feel a bit suicidal, so her very being was at risk.  But instead of looking at the meds as an indication that she was "Bipolar" and therefore mental ill, she decided to view them as a tool.  She originally used drugs and alcohol to self medicate the trauma symptoms and intense emotions.  She replaced them with psych meds which keep her damped down and a bit numb.  But this allowed her to not feel suicidal and to be able to function while she got therapy to strengthen her sense of self, process her emotions about the abuse and develop some coping skills.  She decided to use the meds to keep herself together enough to work on the trauma and when she came out on the other end of the trauma work she would reevaluate whether she needed the meds or not.

Ahhhh, much better.  She is now in the driver's seat of her own care.  She is determining whether she needs meds or not, how they will be used and what they mean about her.  She is making the decisions about what she needs, not blindly following the advice of others.  That is how it should be.

Comments

[Marya]

Thank you for this... I was diagnosed with Bipolar II when I was 22, by a doctor who spoke with me for half an hour, at most.

Lately I've come to realize that I'm not crazy at all. I grew up in an environment where I was severely physically and emotionally neglected. My mother was an apologist for my abusive father, because he was the breadwinner in the family. 23 years later, I am finally facing up to the scariest day of my life. When I was seven years old, the child babysitter whom my parents trusted abandoned me. I believe I was nearly kidnapped that day, as I remember seeing a man running after me, feeling a blue streak of terror, and hiding.

I have had issues with helplessness and anxiety for a long time. Now I'm starting to get over them by telling myself, "This is not you talking... these were ideas put into your head." I know I'll be in therapy for a long time, but I want to face up to these issues and deal with them, head on. Again, they are not me.

I am on low doses of psychiatric medications and am going to talk to my doctor about stopping them altogether. At this point I know I'm strong and mature enough to deal with whatever comes up. I'm angry as hell, and I'm not a child anymore.

[Kellen]

Hi Marya,

Youve made my day. I love to hear that people have been able to find themselves, not just listen to some professional. I truly believe that psychological interventions should empower clients to trust in themselves and make intelligent decisions about what is best for them, and it sounds like you have accomplished this. Your statement that you are strong and mature is like music to my ears. It sounds like you have done some very hard work that is beginning to pay off. I wish you all the best.

Peace,

Kellen

[Ginny]

this made me think of another post from the blog I linked to on the Xanax post. The author there has a history of sexual abuse too.

http://bipolarblast.wordpress.com/undiagnosing-myself/

Bipolar is very often diagnosed instead of trauma...it's actually true with schizophrenia too though people are even less willing to see that.

this is good stuff you're sharing here. thx

[Sleeping Tiger]

Hey Kellen,

This is useful. I too have had the sort of treatment using the wrong map.

I was accused of being drunk when I wasn't. Actually it seemed used to quickly cover up issues with trauma and the acting out of it. I was labelled bipolar II. As the doctor said. You "seem a little bit bipolar." My treatment plan was supposed to be with an addiction counselor, where there was no addiction issue.

I am on a plan now with a counselor who is working with me, without meds. Then we re-evaluate for medication, as a tool for healing.

[Kellen]

Im sorry you had this experience, but Im pleased to hear you found your way to a healthier, more empowering path. I like the way you say, we reevaluate for medication as a tool for healing. Like music to my heart. First it is we not the doctor reevaluating. You have a part and a say in the matter. Second, medication is a tool for healing, not a miracle fix-it-all on which you are totally dependent. Your healing comes from within and you are in charge of it. Bravo.