A crack addict once told me about the ride to the crack house. He said this was the happiest car full of people you ever saw. Everyone was laughing and talking and excited in anticipation of getting high. But - the ride back from the crack house was an entirely different matter. Everyone was silent and sullen. What happened and how does this relate to the holidays?
Expectations. The ride to the crack house is full of hope and expectations. We are going to get high, we are going to feel good, we are going to get relief from our emotional pain, everything is going to be great.
But the ride back is about reality. Crack never produces the original high. So the anticipated high is always a disappointment compared to the reality of the high. It never hits the same peak. It never meets the expectations of the user. And this leads to immense disappointment.
The trip home for the holidays seems to be the same for many people. Every year I watch people excitedly talking about going home for the holidays. They shop. They schedule. They plan. They arrange. There are high expectations about the joy the holidays will bring. I think most people expect their family holiday to resemble a Normal Rockwell painting. But then they go home and reality sets in. Old hurts and grudges are rekindled. Old battles resurrected. Old shames and old roles revisited. And they look much like the crack addicts returning from the crack house; dejected, sad, disappointed, let down. The holiday they had planned did not live up to reality.
Get real about your family dynamics and your family holidays and make realistic plans. Take responsibility for having a great Christmas by planning your own events or limiting your participation in dysfunctional ones. If you have a family full of drama queens you may simply have to make up your mind to have a good time, regardless of what other people do. I've found that this attitude helps me maintain boundaries in my family when people want to create drama or be upset about something. I step back and see if I'm really bothered about this issue or if I've soaked up someone's upset.
See also, "I'm Going to Be Happy Today - Regardless".
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