Pepper spraying other shoppers? Shoppers crushing each other? Go hug someone!

The shopping experience this season seems to be inordinantly dangerous!  The usual hustle and bustle people experience during the Christmas season seems to be fraught with a lack of empathy for others this year.  What can you do? 

On Ted.com, Dr. Paul Zak gives a lecture on the role of the chemical in our body called oxytocin and human morality.  He calls oxytocin the "Moral Molecule" and describes how it effects moral behavior in humans. 

It increases empathy for others and happiness within yourself.  In rats, it increases their tolerance for their burrow mates.  (Who couldn't use some of that?) 

What makes or breaks our production of oxytocin?  Stress inhibits it.  Testosterone decreases it.  And it is greatly decreased in people who did not receive proper nurturing as a child.  People who are not provided adequate nurturing as children often grow up to be sociopaths who lack empathy for others.  And sociopaths are the predators in a society.  (Yet another reason to fight valiantly to stop child abuse, as if we need another reason.)   

But onto nicer things.  How do you increase the release of oxytocin, and in doing so increase not only your own happiness, but increase your empathy for others?  Dancing.  Massage.  Praying.  And - hugs!  Dr. Zak states it takes about 8 hugs a day to increase your level of oxytocin. 

With people so stressed this holiday season, why not adds "Hugs" onto your list of things to do?

Dr. Paul Zak on "The Moral Molecule"

*Ted.com is a free service, like YouTube.com.  No registration or sign in required.  Enjoy!

Comments

[geo]

Virginia Satir:
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/v/virginiasa175185.html

Importance of Hug:
http://www.lifepositive.com/mind/personal-growth/hug/hug-therapy.asp

[felix]

Hi,
Perhaps you could enlighten me: do we benefit most from giving or receiving hugs? So at this time of year could it be better to receive than to give for a change,lol.

For my part I prefer to give; and better still to give to a pet. As long as we all know that a dog is for life and not just for christmas! Animal assisted therapy all over again.

Let us not forget our boundaries when we want to hug someone - I feel invaded when relative strangers hug without asking.

Oh, as empathy is about feeling for others, can I cuddle one of my many soft toys and have the same result? Should we all buy a teddy bear for each other Kellen?

But seriously, I wish we could all just chill out and enjoy our time, be that alone or together and I wish we could have time away from this uncontrolled capitalist, materialistic society.

Christmas is about giving- give a little time or a gift to a good cause and feel the empathy grow inside you - but don't stop there - learn who you can give kindness to and your hearts will be warm forever.

[Kellen]

I couldn't agree more. I stopped giving presents several years ago and I couldn't be happier. I watch people going broke buying presents because they think they have to. I watch people pushing and shoving and getting all stressed out shopping. Why????

As for hugging, this is just my opinion. I think hugging anything living thing benefits both parties (as long as it is consensual). However, dog people tell me dogs don't like to be "hugged". It's still possible to have physical contact with them; petting them, scratching their favorite spots or just sitting next to them. I think everyone benefits from this - the human and the dog.

[whenthescapegoatquits]

That's really interesting, my friend and I were just talking about it this year, how there seems to be a real increase in ugliness, parking lot rage and shopping rage. I'm guess part of it has to do with the increased economic stress customers, store workers and retailers are all facing. Stores aren't stocking as much (so they may not have what the customers are looking for) and they're getting by on the bare minimum with staff (so it's hard to get assistance). Staff are overworked and the customers are impatient and worried about their own finances. Which means the staff is more stressed out.

I agree stopping or at least cutting back on some of the shopping would help a lot. Kris Kringle/Secret Santa is another option if people don't want to stop entirely. One person is easier to shop for than a group of them.

If neither of those options work, there's scaling back and spending less. Also I standardized the gifts. I noticed some other relatives were picking out multiples of items and giving the same gift to everyone. It cuts down significantly on the time and stress of shopping.

[whenthescapegoatquits]

Also, having worked in a fast food place near a mall in my younger days, please try to be kind to the counter people. People often yell at them irrationally for no reason. I saw this 2x last night at a party goods store and again at a supermarket.

Even though I was frustrated with shopping myself, I thanked the clerks for their help, smiled and when there was no designated area to return a basket at the crafts store, asked if one spot was ok or was it in her way. They seem relieved to speak to someone who treated them nicely. I know back in my time as a counter clerk, there would be days during the holiday season where I'd be on the verge of tears from people being so nasty, but that one nice person who smiled and was pleasant could help turn the day around.

[Kellen]

Hello when,

Thank you so much for this reminder. Isn't it amazing how much difference one bit of kindness can make? Good for you.