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November 05, 2012

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felix

I have examined my life for trauma, and also the lives of my family back to the death of my grandad - when my dad was just 8 years old! I believe that this traumatic event shaped his life and his relationships thereafter.

I have also looked through old photos to examine the characteristics
displayed by my mum and compared them to my own previous relationships.

I feel that the early death of my grandad not only shaped my dad's relationships, but mine too. Beginning with my mum at an early age,I have had a constant drip, drip, drip of traumatic experiences throughout my life that recently prompted me to examine the reasons more closely - all I knew was that I had not deserved the trauma handed out to me.

As I look back into the past I can sympathise with how my dad must have felt; the loss of a major part of who he is, the feeling of always wondering who his dad was and never being able to capture that feeling and hold it in his heart. I think this made him attracted to another trauma survivor - my mum. And the list goes on!

I feel as though trauma is the disease of the innocent. It only hurts the innocent, otherwise, why would it hurt?

I had to search deep within, and knew in my heart that I had done nothing wrong - and now it all makes sense. I now feel as though I have understood and disconnected from that part of my life - new chapter in a new book!


I don't believe that trauma necessarily has to be any major effect in one's life, but can also be served to us over time, even beginning within any of our ancestors lives. Perhaps the fast lives we live today that allow us so little self time or family time are also a cause?

Thanks Kellen and hugs to the animals.

Vicki

I was misdiagnosed with I-don't-know-what as a teenager. That's one of the things that angers me in hindsight: the psychologist couldn't decide whether I was schizoid or schizotypal, while the psychiatrist simply treated me for depression with psychosis, and nobody considered that problems in my living situation might cause me to act out. As a survival habit, I did not tell them anything that they did not ask; silence is a famous trauma symptom, and if they cared they would have known to ask.

My family used the misdiagnosis to victim-blame, and I walked around for eleven years not knowing whether my perspective was warped. I was too young for Risperdal and it made me hear things. I consider the misdiagnosis and unfounded drug treatment to be part of the abuse.

I was assessed again just under a month ago, with an assessment model that actually respected my input. The two-hour assessment and fifteen-minute initial diagnosis has been amazingly healing to the eleven years of questioning my sanity. It's so validating.

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