Narcissistic rage is like no other. The intensity is palpable. Logic and reason falls by the way side. They have no limits. They do not stop at the edge. They do not care if they destroy themselves, as long as they take you with them. They are willing to go to extremes and commit atrocities you could never imagine. And this is why you can't beat them. Why? I'm reminded of an old fable.
Once, there was a frog trying to cross a flooded river. As he prepared to cross to the other side on a lily pad a scorpion asked to ride with him. The frog responded, "If I let you go you still sting me." The scorpion answered, "If I sting you we will both die. Why would I do that?" So the frog acquiesced and they boarded the lily pad. Halfway across the scorpion stung the frog. As the frog lay dying he pleaded, "Why on Earth did you sting me? Now we will both die!" The scorpion answered, "Because I'm a scorpion. It's my nature."
We cannot change other people. This is especially true if you are dealing with a narcissist. Even knowing this, it's hard to grasp just how far they will go to hurt you when enraged. Their behavior sometimes defies reason and reality.
I recently watched a narcissist who became so enraged at the "frog" in her life that she she stung herself to death trying to get at the frog. Having destroyed herself, the frog, and the lily pad, she now sits in the wreckage which was her life, still trying to take shots at the frog. Fortunately, in real life, the frog is usually able to get to shore and carry on with their life. But not without the narcissist's stings having taken their toll. This is especially true if there are children involved.
What enraged this narcissist? The fact that her partner saw through her facade. He saw what she really was and therefore had to be destroyed. Family members and friends tried to understand what he had done to her to make her so angry. They interpreted her rage as hurt. They were certain he had done something truly heinous. But he hadn't. He had merely seen her narcissism. He had seen the vacuum of her psyche, the absence of all the things which make us human; the lack of empathy for others, the absence of remorse when she hurt people, the lack of regard for any other person. He saw what she really was, what she fought to cover up with a carefully contrived facade. And for that the narcissist was determined to destroy him. Destroying him became more important than her own well being. She utterly destroyed every good thing in her life, including herself, trying to get back at him.