For the first post of the new year I would like to address "change". This is a time when people often make New Year's resolutions to change behaviors they dislike. It is important to realize the effects those changes may have on your family interactions.
I watched a social worker trying to "save" a woman from a domestic violence situation. It was disturbing to say the least.
I'm watching a fellow staff member get Scapegoated. You can tell she was the Hero of her family of origin and this sudden shift in roles is rocking her world.
If you find yourself making the same mistakes over and over you might want to look at your relationship patterns.
Blood may be thicker than water, but you can't drink it. We are told throughout our lives that family is the most important thing. I constantly find myself working with clients who are deeply entrenched in the dynamics of toxic family systems. Helping them navigate these turbulent waters can be difficult, but well worth the effort.
I watched "Pieces of April" last night, starring Katie Holmes as April. The film does an excellent job of demonstrating how a family scapegoats one of its members, and how that person plays into the role.
This weekend I watched a poignant film about a soldier who is captured in Afghanistan and the devastating effects it has on his wife and children and his family of origin. The movie also does a nice job of illustrating the familial roles of hero and scapegoat and how these roles might be reversed.
In dysfunctional families, you often see the children adopting various roles to help the family function as a system. But these roles can cause serious problems in their future lives. Why are Family Roles important and why do we need to know about them?
"It isn't fair!"
One employee is the boss' pet. They come in late, leave early, do not perform their job duties, have their work assigned to or covered by other people and spend the rest of their day surfing the internet or making personal calls. Other employees get reprimanded for doing all of these things. Yet this person gets away with it.
I hear this complaint a lot with other colleagues and with clients. How do you deal with it?
The more I work with clients the more I see the importance family roles play throughout our entire lives and within every relationship we have. We will replicate the roles we played in our families of origin in every relationship we have. We do this over and over unless we actively recognize and work to change them. And yes, they can be changed.