The lyrics of an old song and the words of a new client crashed into each other yesterday. I was reminded of one of the reasons men and women fail to have healthy relationships - unrealistic expectations.
It seems most Americans like to think of themselves as thinking beings who happen to feel. But research into the human brain shows that we are instead feeling beings who are able to think. I believe our failure to recognize this causes untold frustration and the current epidemic of people being diagnosed with depression.
Often, when walking alone at night scanning the environment for danger, I have had minority males accuse me of being racist. "You thought the Mexican was going to get you, huh?" "You're keeping an eye on the Black guy, hmm?" You bet I am. But not because you're Mexican or Black. Because you're male.
... but is he looking for you? If you want to have a good man you have to be a good woman. A good man does not want a lying, scheming, pill popper who sleeps with his best friend and expects him to take care of her.
Therapists talk a lot about boundaries, but we're not always clear what we mean by "boundaries", why they are important to an individual's mental health, or why they are important for healthy relationships.
When transactional analysts talk about a "discount", they are not talking about getting something cheaper. They are referring to something much more insidious. A discount in TA is a way of denying some part of another person and, unfortunately, discounts are quite common in most of our lives.
Finding books which are written for or about men has always been difficult for me. Throughout my career I had only collected two which I thought were classics and worth reading and sharing. Recently I found another.
Are you as puzzled as I used to be why women are always drawn to the "bad boys"? I have a very good friend who is one of the greatest guys in the world. But women won't touch him. But give them a drunk, a player, an abuser, or a slacker and they are all over them. Why?