Is it just me, or does everyone seem to be a victim these days? Even White males are now claiming to be persecuted. The problem with having a victim mentality is that it fosters depression. Is it any wonder that depression rates are skyrocketing?
Blood may be thicker than water, but you can't drink it. We are told throughout our lives that family is the most important thing. I constantly find myself working with clients who are deeply entrenched in the dynamics of toxic family systems. Helping them navigate these turbulent waters can be difficult, but well worth the effort.
Sometimes called the Karpman Drama Triangle, this is a powerful script which some clients find themselves locked into. The triangle has three roles: Victim, Rescuer and Persecutor. These three roles work to form a cycle of blame and guilt which allows all three "players" to avoid taking responsibility for their own emotions, beliefs or behavior.
The recent tragedy between Rihanna and Chris Brown has left many people scratching their heads. How could someone as beautiful as her get into such a relationship? How could he do that to her? Why would she put up with it? Why did she go back to him? Abusive relationships are difficult to explain in a simple article. Their dynamics are complex.
Abusive relationships don't start out that way. Most abusive relationships start out with candy and flowers, courting and romance. The abusive slips in, slowly and maliciously. It may not seem so obvious to the person in the relationship that things are getting out of hand because they have slowly progressed to that point over time. How can you tell if you are in an abusive relationship before someone gets hurt? What are some of the warning signs?
The Texas Council on Family Violence has created some wonderful brochures which are printable from your computer that address power and control in relationships. The most common one describes the use of power and control in relationships. But there is second handout which describes the qualities of healthy relationships which are built on equality.
I was talking to a woman who recently escaped a horribly violent domestic situation. She constantly referred to the differences she sees in her children and why she can't allow them to ever be treated that way again.* Three things stood out strongly while I was talking to her: