I've begun to see a connection between clients who are struggling with self regulation and growing up in a very authoritarian families. By "self regulation" I mean they have difficulty managing, or regulating, their emotions, behaviors, and impulses. They may use drugs or alcohol to excess, overeat, break the law or spend money far beyond their means.
They may not know how to motivate themselves or set goals. They may not know how to comfort themselves when they are upset. They do this in an attempt to deal with the emotions they are having because they don't know how to regulate their feelings from within. This makes perfect sense. If you were raised in a family in which every movement, every action, every decision was determined for you by a parent or authority figure you never learned to manage these things yourself. Control always came from external forces. When you grow up and move away from home, those external forces are now removed. The person has no knowledge of how to manage their emotions from within, so they continue to rely on external factors. They just keep going until they hit a wall; they pass out, they feel stuffed and can't eat anymore, they are arrested, they are evicted or their credit is cut off.
Once again I'm reminded of how important it is not only to teach children how to behave but to teach them how to think and how to feel. Allow them to problem solve and come up with solutions for managing their emotions and behavior. Encourage them to help you find solutions. This models the process for them and allows them to practice it. As adults they will then have experience in knowing what to do when they are frustrated, tired, mad, sad or irritable. They will know how to self comfort and how to set limits. They will know how to set up rewards systems to motivate themselves. They will know how to do this from within without relying on external systems; drugs or alcohol, food, the legal system, to handle those feelings for them.