I saw this today and found it to be very interesting and thought provoking. “Criticism is an indirect form of self-boasting.” Emmet Fox
I grew up in a family with many hypercritical people. The same people who were very hypercritical of others were even more critical of themselves. They were also very insecure and generally had low self esteems. Their criticisms of others were a feeble attempt to elevate themselves.
I see so many clients who are totally devastated by criticism. Even constructive criticism can be hurtful if it hits a nerve or blindsides you with something you were unaware of. But first, it's important to consider the source of the criticism. When working in a homeless shelter I had to work this all the time. One client would criticize another, who would be crushed. Self esteems were already low since both parties were in a homeless shelter and feeling less than confident in themselves as a result. So criticisms were frequent and hurt feelings just as frequent. But what surprised me was how seriously someone would take a criticism from a person who had been out entire night before smoking crack. Now this person comes into the dorm and tells another client that they look fat in that dress or need a shave? Look who is talking! It's important to consider the source of criticism.
It's also important to determine whether the criticism is about you or about the other person. Many times clients tell me about being criticized for something they don't even do. The critic is merely projecting their own faults onto the client. For instance, Jack complains to Ethel that she always uses up the paper in the copier and never replaces it. But this is really what Jack does, not Ethel. If Ethel can calmly evaluate the situation and know in her own mind that she always leaves the copier full of paper and ready for the next person to use, she can let the criticism go right over her head knowing it is not about her.
Another to thing to consider is how the critic treats other people. If they are hypercritical of everyone in the office, then it's about them, not you. Look at their other interactions and see whether you are just another face in the crowd or if they are singling you out.
When you're criticized, breathe, and take a look at it. Why is it bothering you? Because it's true? Then own it and address it. Because it's a personal attack rather than constructive criticism? Then look at the person's motivation and decide whether to address it or not. Because it's unfair or inaccurate? Then determine what the truth is, what the person's motivation was for saying it and make a decision about how or whether to deal with.
If you decide not to deal with it or to let it go, be clear about why you are doing this. If the person repeatedly makes personal attacks or projects things onto you, you probably need to address it. Sometimes we are dealing with a notoriously bad-tempered person and it's a one time "hit" you may choose to let it go on by and not allow your mood and your day to be drug into the critic's vortex of negativity. If you are letting something go repeatedly you may be setting yourself up to be a victim or a scapegoat. Fear of conflict can make you avoid standing up for yourself, but at what price?
See other articles: How to Know if you have a Victim Mentality and Scapegoat.