Kellevision

Unrealistic Expectations Can Lead to Frustrations

I sat at the staff meeting listening to a social worker talk about a client who was very upset because the elevator in her subsidized apartment complex was too far from her door - and I marveled.  Not only had the client invested a lot of energy in being upset about this, but the social worker had bought into it and had now upset herself about it.  Then, she brought it to the staff meeting and worried 17 other people about it.  What's wrong with this picture?

Power and Control in Relationships

The Texas Council on Family Violence has created some wonderful brochures which are printable from your computer that address power and control in relationships.  The most common one describes the use of power and control in relationships.  But there is second handout which describes the qualities of healthy relationships which are built on equality. 

How to Avoid Family Drama

Even therapists have issues.  We are raised in families who have issues just like everyone else.  We are at the mercy of those family patterns unless we turn around and face them, just like everyone else.  Personally, I come from a family with a lot of drama queens.  So one of my challenges has been learning how to avoid getting dragged into drama and upending my own life.  One of my favorite strategies is to sit in the bleachers.  What do I mean by this?

How to Save a Life

While working at the state hospital a very wise psychologist once asked me, "how do you help someone who is drowning?'  I have always remembered his answer. 

What I Learned this Christmas

My family of origin can generate a lot of drama during the holidays.  If the holiday is Christmas, the drama can sometimes start as early as October.  This Christmas I made up mind that I was going to have a good holiday no matter what anyone else did.  I wasn't going to get caught in the drama.  What do I mean by drama?  Starting gossip about another family member and trying to get me involved in it.  Criticizing another family member and trying to get me incensed about whatever "awful" thing that person had done.  Trying to start fights between other family members.  One sibling is mad at another and wants me to join her.  Those kinds of things.  I decided I wasn't going to internalize other people's dramas and concerns and make them my own.  And I kep repeating this for three months and throughout the holidays.  What happened?

The Meaning of Life in America

I recently listened to the video-taped lecture on the American financial situation by economics professor Richard Wolff.  In addition to brilliantly describing the causes behind the current economic crisis in America he also makes the point that "success" in the American culture is defined by consumption.  We are what we are able to buy. 

Save the Children - And Save Yourself!

I was talking to a woman who recently escaped a horribly violent domestic situation.  She constantly referred to the differences she sees in her children and why she can't allow them to ever be treated that way again.*  Three things stood out strongly while I was talking to her: