Some people, when confronted with a paradox in life, ask themselves, "What Would Jesus Do?" Personally, I ask myself, "What would Nisse do?" My goal in life is to be more like my dog, Nisse (pronounced "NIS suh"). I have a lot of human mentors in my life to whom I look up to, but Nisse has a special quality I lack and want to learn.
Nisse is the epitome of self confidence. When we go to the dog park and a nervous, fearful, or aggressive dog barks or yells at her, she just flies right past them as if they are not even talking to her. It never occurs to her that the problem lies with her. And it doesn't. She is running and playing and if that dog over there is growling and carrying on, oh well, that's his problem. She doesn't take it personally or as an indication that there is something wrong with her. And she shouldn't. She isn't doing anything. She's just running and playing. Nisse seems to have a very strong sense that she is OK and leaves the problem with the grumpy, aggressive or fearful other dog - where it belongs.
Don't get me wrong. She is not impervious to things she does do wrong. She is very sweet and sensitive and cares very much that you are happy with her. What I am talking about is other people's behavior. When other dogs have a problem and try to put it on her, she doesn't buy into it. She doesn't get that she is supposed to allow their bad behavior to affect her. And it has an interesting effect. A friend has a dog that growls constantly at everyone and everything. When Nisse first went to my friend's house, the dog growled menacingly at her everytime she walked by. She just kept sashaying around, ignoring the dog's behavior. Then something interesting happened. The dog stopped growling at her. I'm not sure whether the other dog realized his growling wasn't doing any good or whether her unconcern about the situation affected him and he calmed and stopped being so fearful. Either way, Nisse did not let the other dog's fearfulness infect her or prevent her from having a wonderful romp with the other dogs.
I have not yet mastered this. When people go off on me I automatically start scanning to see what wrong I have committed to deserve this. An example? A supervisor recently went off on a group of us. We had no idea what the problem was or why we were being reprimanded. I know that I do my job well and that my work is appreciated and respected. I also know the supervisor's habit of bringing personal problems to work and taking them out on employees. I know this intellectually, but that's not how I reacted. I absorbed the negativity. I let it upset me. I let other employees who were worrying about it upset me and absorbed their anger and frustration. In the end, it turned out that it was a personal issue and had nothing to do with us. In the meantime, however, I wasted two and a half days worrying and being angry about it.
Why? Well that is another issue, another post, and another day. But Nisse would never have sweated it. She would have known her work was O.K. and she was O.K.. She would have attributed the boss' lecture, to, well, the boss. It couldn't possibly be about her.
Next time I will ask myself, "What Would Nisse Do?"