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This is one of the best lists I have ever seen. It ought to be in pamphlet form. Someone in an abusive relationship reading this might still simply make excuses for their partner and not be able to help themself. I hope anyone reading this list who knows of someone suffering from abuse step in and do what they can to help the victim get free. It's not unlike pulling someone from a burning building who has become paralyzed by fear.

Hi Gwen,

I never know if I have harped on this enough of if it warrants saying one more time. Thank you for the feedback. It is greatly appreciated.


Holy shit.


These are all things that have happened in every abusive relationship I've ever been in, though not necessarily all at once.

These were all (with the exception of the sexual/romantic/child ones) facts of my existence when I was living with my family.

Thank you so much for this.

I talk a great deal about how I lived in an emotionally abusive family, but it always feels empty to me. A couple months ago, I figured out that I don't believe that if I have to be the first one to call something abuse, then it obviously isn't. And it doesn't apply to other people, just me. They're telling the truth, but I'm just putting on a show.

#24 was always very prominent in that, I think.

Oh, I also wanted to mention that I've passed this blog on to a few friends I think could use it. It's very good.

communication in their relationship with each other. They said they're not looking for their partnership to be a free-for-all, and that polyamory seems a more fitting word for the presence of emotion they sustain with one another.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I married my husband May 11, 2013. We were having problems because he bought a farm in Arkansas and suddenly, after he had lured me (embarrassingly, I might add) into the relationship with how much money he had, decided he wanted to create a trust to leave the farm to his children after his death. Well, this would leave me homeless! In the months before our wedding, we had meetings with our pastor, the Christian trust attorney who drew up the trust (which could be changed down the road, I feared). Little problems avalanched into big ones,and after the wedding, on the drive from California to Arkansas, all of our possessions in the moving van, our finances joined together in a joint bank account, he tells me he does not want an emotionally intimate marriage, that he married me because I have no children and "of course" I would not object to him leaving his "fortune" to his children (!). I made a U-turn in Amarillo, and he spent all the money in our joint bank account. He still has everything I own (clothes, furniture, etc.) on his cattle ranch in Arkansas, while I'm homeless in California. He supports his five adult children and their families (he's a millionaire). Finally, because I'm his wife, a judge allowed me control of our California home where his grown daughter had moved in. I'll be leaving as soon as I can, but if this wasn't abuse, I don't know what is. I'm finding a lot of comfort on your site. Thanks a whole lot.

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