Most people typically give the kind of strokes or attention they wish to receive. And so it is with men and women. Both give what they want to receive rather than what their partner actually wants. And this can cause serious problems. Not only does their partner not have their needs met, but they can become quite angry for having things foisted upon them which they do not want.
For example, men often want sexual strokes from their wives. Women typically want strokes of affection or love. As a result, a man trying to show his wife how much he loves her may offer her the sexual strokes he wants instead of the affectionate strokes she craves. Likewise, a wife may heap her husband with affectionate strokes she wants instead of the sexual strokes he craves. Now they are both frustrated. And the more their needs go unmet, the more angry they can become at each other. The more he gives her what she does not want, the more desperate she becomes for what she really needs, the more resentful she becomes and the less he gets of the strokes he needs from her. And the same in reverse. At the same time, both parties are becoming more and more resentful because they are giving away what they want themselves and not having it returned. This creates an even greater need in both of them. This is why it is so important for people to communicate what they actually want and need to their partner and listen to what their partner needs from them.
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