"I'm looking for a good man..."

... but is he looking for you?  If you want to have a good man you have to be a good woman.  A good man does not want a lying, scheming, pill popper who sleeps with his best friend and expects him to take care of her. 

A good man needs a good woman to stand beside and work with him to build their life together. 

"I want someone who will take care of me."

Why?  Are you an infant?  Grow up.  Grownups take care of themselves.  They do not look for someone to take care of them.  Women cannot expect to be treated as equals if they do not act like equals.  Expecting someone else to take care of you infantalizes you and makes you an inferior.  Stand up and be responsible for yourself.  In this economy it takes two people working full-time to keep most families afloat and financially stable. 

This works both ways.  When a man tells me he wants to find a good woman I feel the same way.  Would a good woman look twice at you?  You don't work.  You hang out on that bar stool all day or in the alley with your drug using buddies.  Do you expect to find a good woman in the alley or the bar?

Be the kind of partner you want to find, and everything else will take care of itself. 

See also,  "Beauty and the Beast and Women in Relationships"

Comments

[Ethereal Highway]

She wants a man to 'take care of her?' In a broad sense like that? I can see sometimes feeling the need for care from others, but... Wanting to be treated like a baby by the person you have sex with just seems really, really creepy to me. Ew. Just icky on a deeply disturbing level. It grosses me out when I hear women say things like that.

You made me laugh with this - "Why? Are you an infant?" Good one, Kellen!

[jss]

Ah the abdication of personal responsibility. I'd give anything to experience that for just five minutes one time.

[Solutions Therapy]

Hi Ethereal,

Ha, ha, Im glad you enjoyed it! I really feel that way sometimes. Thanks for your support.

Peace,

Kellen

[Solutions Therapy]

Hi jss,

Me too. But I want an entire month!

Peace,

Kellen

[sleeping tiger]

A man to take care of her.... oh the shock when he dumps her for someone more intellectually stimulating, and she has to get a job and take care of herself.

Where did you find this person?

[Solutions Therapy]

Im afraid I have a homeless shelter dorm full of them. Ive always had clients from other walks of life say this to me as a solution to some problem they are having. Im always horrified to hear it.

[Ginny]

lots of adults are emotionally children. I find it painful and sad. Most of these people would not benefit being spoken to in such a manner even if it's true. I too worked with homeless for many many years.

[sleeping tiger]

Funny my mom suggested marriage,and moving in with my boyfriend as a way to combat my anxiety.

I laughed at her suggestion. Sure times are tough but unhealthy dependency is scary.

[Solutions Therapy]

Bravo! Im so proud of you. I just love to see women standing up for themselves and being healthy. And youre absolutely right, your boyfriend should not be used for an anxiolytic (anti-anxiety medication). Its not fair to you or him. You are strong enough and smart enough to stand on your own two feet without a crutch. And a good guydeserves a healthy, whole, equal partner. Not a patient. Keeping laughing, and moving towards healing and wholeness.

Keep up the good work!

Kellen

[Dean B]

*claps* at the article and the comments.

Horrified is the word. I cant pick my jaw up off the floor when the realization sets in that the person who just said "but they'll take care of everything for me.." means it. I've yet to come up with a good reply, and given enough time they go down in flames. Then we get to business.