Sergeant Hernandez could not understand what this kid, Murphy, possibly had to smile about. He took it as defiance and stepped up to put the kid in his place. But then, Sergeant Hernandez did not know Murphy's history.
Private Murphy* was raised by a single father who was a raging alcoholic. Murphy grew up enduring his father's rages. He was beaten, kicked, stabbed, had his head beaten against the floor, concrete steps, you name it. And his father wasn't particular about what he beat him with; a pipe wrench, a shovel, an iron or his fists. Murphy's father verbally abused him, constantly telling him he was "good for nothing", he "would never amount to anything" and lamblasting him with all sorts of horrible names. They moved constantly because his father couldn't work due to his heavy drinking. Murphy did very poorly in school as a result and, in Murphy's mind, this was proof he was "no good". As a child, Murphy never knew what to expect. The beatings were random and had nothing to do with how well or how badly he behaved. They revolved solely around how his father felt and what kind of day he had. So no matter how clean Murphy kept the house or how well he did in school he still received beatings on a regular basis. Food was scarce and many days Murphy went hungry because his father had passed out somewhere and didn't bring food home or he spent all the money on alcohol. Murphy's clothes were often torn, dirty or too small because these too were not at the top of his father's list of priorities. Murphy's father kept strange hours because of his drinking. One day he would come home at 3:00 in the afternoon, the next at 1:00 a.m.. Sometimes he would be gone for days at a time. Murphy never knew when his father would come home or what mood he would be in when he arrived. Bills often went unpaid. They were constantly getting evicted. One day they would have electricity, the next it would be cut off. One day they had running water, the next it had been cut off. Murphy grew up in a very unpredictable and violent world never knowing what to do to calm his father's rages and never knowing where the next meal would come from, or if there would be one.
As Murphy grew, he developed a rage about his father's abuse and it began to consume him. He found himself getting into fights over the slightest infraction. When he fought he totally lost control and kept hitting the other person long after they had ceased to fight. The rage he had kept pent up for so long as a small child was now erupting all over the place. He also began to drink and drive. His driving was that of someone who wanted to destroy themselves. He hit trees head on, he ran over cliffs, he drove in the opposite lane. He wasn't too worried about himself because he truly believed he was the "nothing" his father said he was. But he feared he would end up seriously hurting someone else. It was the late 1990's and he desperately sought a solution - and an escape from his father's abuse.
Murphy grew up in a military town and decided at an early age that this was going to be his escape route. The day he became old enough he went down to the recruiter and signed up - and held his breath. He hoped against all odds that the military would not see how awful he was (according to his father). The day of the physical examination the doctor discovered that the vision of Murphy's right eye was impaired and he was deaf in one ear as a result of repeated head traumas (inflicted by his father). Murphy's worst fear was coming true. He could see the door of escape slowly closing on him. He pleaded with the examiner to let him in anyway. Thank goodness this physician could see the young man behind the injuries. He admitted him into the army.
Murphy quickly discovered that the army was all he could have hoped for and he thrived. They had specific rules of conduct. They had a daily schedule. He was provided with a stable roof over his head, three hot meals a day, clean clothing, running water and utilities. When his rage began to erupt the sergeant saw it and reacted. "Oh you think you're a hothead, eh Murphy??? Run 5 miles and let's see how hotheaded you are then!" Murphy learned to run when he was angry instead of hitting people or wrecking cars. When the sergeant was being tough on him, he smiled, and thought, "You have no idea Sergeant Hernandez. There is nothing you can do to me that will be as bad as my father. So do your worst. I survived my father, so I KNOW I can survive you."
And Private Murphy smiled...
*All client vignettes are fictionalized to protect the privacy of the client.