"I hate war. I can't wait for it to begin."

I listened to this veteran of the "war" in Iraq and understood what he meant.  I've seen this with abused children and victims of domestic violence.  It's a curious feeling - unless you've been there.

Survivors of childhood abuse or domestic violence often talk about the tension which precipitates an act of violence.  The perpetrator becomes more and more angry, escalating from mildly annoyed to complete rage.  The victims find themselves walking on eggshells trying to pacify the abuser.  But the violence needs an outlet.  No matter how hard they try to appease the abuser the beating usually follows. 

Waiting for the beating can be, in many ways, worse than the beating itself.  You know what's coming, but you don't know when.  The tension is enormous - and tiring.  I've seen abused spouses and abused children actually provoke the abuser.  And this confuses people.  "If you are so terrified of him why do you provoke him?"  "If she treats you so badly, why make it worse?"  If you haven't lived with violence or an abuser you can't understand.  The waiting is excruciating.  And there comes a time when the delusion that you may be able to avoid the abuse if you behave well enough eventually fades away.  And a truth takes its place.  You will get hurt.  You can't avoid or stop it.  The only thing you can do is get it over with.  You can't control what occurs, but you can control when it occurs.  And by provoking it end the tension.

So I could understand what this soldier meant as he described the waiting, waiting, waiting for the war to begin while also hating it.  The war has to begin - so it can end.