On his blog, The Last Psychiatrist, discusses 2 cases of "honor killings". He explores the motivations behind them and suggests an interesting solution for preventing them in future generations.
"Honor killings" are murders of a family member or members by another family member (usually male) where the murderer believes that the victim(s) have dishonored the family in some way. The Last Psychiatrist discusses two different cases on his website. In his article, "8 Characteristics of Family Annhilators", he discusses the occurrence in an American family, the warning signs of a potential honor killing and some of the things one can do to; 1) protect yourself if you are one of the potential victims or 2) buy time until help can be sought if you are a friend of the potential murderer. In this article he doesn't use the word Narcissism as a major factor in the intolerability of public shame, but makes an interesting point when he says the murderer's perception that,
"I can't give them what they deserve" is a deflection from "I can't give them what they deserve."
He explores this idea again in his article, "Nobody will understand what went on in this house to drive my dad to this level of insanity". He discusses the reasons often cited for these murders, especially when they occur in non-Western families; i.e. religion, culture and/or non-Westernization. In this particular case the father was an Iraqi immigrant and Muslim who killed his daughter who he felt had shamed him. The Last Psychiatrist argues that the religion was not the problem, narcissism was. He writes,
"...the part that requires the violence isn't some internal sense of right and wrong or 'against Islam', but exposure to other human beings who will look down on them.
He doesn't care that she's Americanized or even an adulteress. He cares that people are laughing at him.
This is narcissism..."
And he makes an interesting suggestion for stopping the carnage in future generations.
"You have to make the narcissistic honor killing a thing of even greater shame; you have to speak their language. Don't say it's wrong-- they don't care if it's wrong-- don't say it's against Allah, don't say it's tribal, don't say it's a backwards practice, none of those things matter. Say it is a sign of weakness and impotence. Keep repeating that they aren't signals that you were strong and steadfast in your faith, but signals that you so petty and unfocused such that you had to resort to this. Remind them how stupid it is to think that people are now going to forget that you're the father of a harlot and you're a cowardly murderer. No Iraqi will send his sons over to the U.S. to marry your other daughter, and for sure no American will. Keep saying that, not so the potential murderer hears it but so the kids hear it."
Now that is an interesting idea.