Emotions as Weapons: The Case of the Missing Ham

I could hear the screaming from outside of the house.  I stopped and listened for evidence of escalation and/or violence, decided it was just screaming and decided to go do something else until the battle was over.  Aren't the holidays fun?

(Names have been changed to protect the guilty.)

It all began with a ham.  Leftvovers from the Christmas feast could not be located.  So Mom opens with her favorite weapon, guilt, "I paid $34.00 for that ham and no one knows where any of it went?" 

The fight was on.

"Claire", the younger daughter warmed up for a temper tantrum, tantrums which have historically won Mom to her side in order to keep her quiet.  But "Brenda" had had enough of these tantrums and started mimicking her sister's outburst and reflecting it back to her.  When Claire went for a verbal attack, Brenda mimicked Claire's words and exaggerated her raging behavior, flapping her arms wildly and screaming at the top of her lungs.  Claire would reengage with another verbal attack only to be met with over-the-top hysteria and screaming.  This completely shut her down.  Her rage was not being acquiesced to.  It was being topped.  And the whole thing came undone.

Mom's guilt card failed.  Claire's rage failed.  And they both drove off in Claire's car to complain about Brenda somewhere else. 

And I pondered how emotions can be used as weapons.  People who live with a violent person often learn to tiptoe around so as not to "set them off".  Rage can be used to bully others into letting you have your way.  Guilt can be applied masterfully to get one's way or simply inflict pain.  Others use tears to incite guilt and pity and to manipulate others. 

What other emotions can be used as weapons?

 

 

Comments

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[felix]

Kindness and generosity can be used as a weapon; By being kind and giving a person can make others feel beholden to them. I often find females of the older generation guilty of this quite often.

[jferron]

Felix,

I don't know if I agree with you. I don't think the elderly ladies you speak of are really employing true kindness and generosity. I know what you're talking about, I've worked in assisted living facilities and have a textbook narcissist as a dad. I can spot a guilt trap a mile away and know from firsthand experience that elderly women (or men!) who are lonely, bored, wanting to feel wanted and/or are angry for feeling discarded use "kindness and generosity" as a very well-made sheep's clothing for their wolf.

But I know plenty of elderly people that are truly kind and generous, it goes both ways :)

[felix]

Hi jferron

Perhaps I should have said that it was apparent kindness; as I agree that the methods they employ are not true kindness because they require a return for their efforts - and they know it! But hey, sometimes it works for them, so why not continue to try.

Generosity is a little different because it is a behaviour that expects a return and we are all better for it eventually.

Yes, the same goes for men too, it's just that being a man, I see more of this behaviour from women.

[felix]

Let us not forget those emotions we use as weapons against ourselves; some of us may take on feelings from others or even berate ourselves with negative self talk learnt from being cast in a role such as the scapegoat.

[Solutions Therapy]

Oh Felix, that is an excellent point. Thank you for making it.

[How To Make A Guy Like You]

All over a ham? Isn't it crazy the things we fight about? I mean really, how many fights are TRULY worth fighting about?

DJ

[Tim]

I agree with DJ on this one.

Tim

[yoga nagi info]

Interesting, emotions as weapon. Everyone has their own forms of emotions. As humans we use emotions as cane for support. We do have the power to be emotionless.

Take care

[Parwathy Narayan]

I used to be a psychiatry resident before I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and PTSD. We would definitely see people acting up during the holidays. A lot of people using suicide for attention. It's unfortunate, but most psychiatrists dread the borderline patient 'cause they use their emotions to manipulate people the most. At the end, I feel for them 'cause most of them have been abused as a child and I have been abused too. I'm thankful that this didn't make me borderline though. They seem to live a painful life, unfortunately. It's also unfortunate for the people around them...especially during the holidays.