Having a sense of self is knowing who you are. People with BPD usually have an underdeveloped sense of self. In my experience they are usually raised by a parent or parents with a cluster B personality disorder, usually narcissistic or antisocial. Both of these disorders manifest a near total selfishness and lack empathy. The world revolves around them and they give nothing to those around them, including their children.
Our sense of self is our perception of ourselves. It organizes the way we think about ourselves and our experiences of the world we live in. It consists of the feelings, thoughts, beliefs, behaviors, perceptions, and attitudes we have about ourselves and the world around us. Our sense of self answers the question “Who Am I?” For example, beliefs such as "I am a good friend" or "I am a kind person" are part of an overall sense of self. A strong sense of self allows us to feel serene and secure in the world, regardless of what is happening around us.
Three techniques for dealing with emotional manipulators are "Gray Rock", "Medium Chill", and "Robot Mode". There is a lot of overlap in the three concepts. I present all three because most people identify more easily with one than the other. Take whatever works for you.
Breaking up is hard enough. If your partner has a cluster B personality disorder, like narcissism, it will be even more difficult. If children are caught in the middle, it can be heart-breaking. How do you protect your children?
There seems to be a lot of glorification of and misinformation about psychopaths in the media these days. (The clinical diagnosis of psychopathy is actually antisocial personality disorder, or APD.)
One misconception is that psychopaths have no emotions, like someone who is autistic. Psychopathy is not a neurological disorder, it's a behavioral disorder. And people with autism have emotions, they just have trouble communicating and connecting.
Another misconception is that psychopaths have no emotions, and that makes them superior and powerful. Psychopaths, though they are largely disconnected from their emotions, especially empathy and remorse, do have some emotions, primarily anger and some fear/anxiety. So the idea that being a psychopath is really cool, because you have no emotions is wrong on two different levels. Psychopaths do have some emotions. And the idea that having no emotions would give you some kind of advantage is wrong.
What are the disadvantages of not having emotions?
You hurt people around you. Since you have no empathy and no remorse, you don’t care that you hurt people. So you lie and manipulate to meet your needs with no concern about how it affects them. You are callous and calculating, manipulative and deceptive, and can't understand why people around you are angry with you.
You can’t form deep, meaningful relationships with others. Which makes you alone, and that is sad.
You don’t have your instincts, or gut feeling. And that leaves you fairly defenseless for knowing when things are going on around you. You have to rely solely on reading other people and other people may miss something you would have noticed.
You miss out on life. Our emotions are how we experience the world. Without emotions you aren’t moved by music, or the smile of your grandchild or a beautiful sunset. You watch other people reacting to these things, but can’t understand why or how or what exactly they are experiencing. So you go from activity to activity trying to feel something, trying to enjoy something - but failing.
The major problem with seeking help from narcissistic abuse (or abuse by any of the cluster B personality disorders) is that their abuse is largely mental, stemming from the endless forms of emotional manipulation which they employ. Since there is no physical abuse and since these folks are so good at faking normal in front of other people, it’s hard to get people to understand just how toxic they really are. No matter where you go for help, be sure to look for someone who actually understands narcissism to be sure that you get appropriate help. I can think of three options:
A therapist who is fluent in cluster B personality disorders. They are hard to find, but they are out there.
A support group of survivors of cluster B personality disorders. Be sure they don’t allow the abusers to attend. If there is not one in your area and you live in a fairly large town, consider starting one yourself using the Meetup system or something similar. There are more survivors out there than you realize, unfortunately.
The Reddit group, raisedbynarcissists. Even if you weren’t raised by narcissists, you just had a relationship with one, this group is free, anonymous and invaluable. It is a community of people who understand, thoroughly, what you are dealing with. It is a moderated group, so they keep it safe. And the people there give very helpful advice and offer a great deal of support.