Acting Out
Acting Out is performing an extreme behavior in order to express thoughts or feelings the person feels incapable of expressing verbally. Instead of saying, “I’m angry with you,” a person who acts out may instead throw a book at the person, or punch a hole through a wall. When a person acts out, it can act as a pressure release, and often helps the individual feel calmer and peaceful once again. For instance, a temper tantrum is a form of acting out when someone doesn’t get their way. Self-injury or promiscuity may also be forms of acting-out, expressing physically what one cannot stand to feel emotionally.
Antisocial
In the vernacular this word is often used to describe introverts. But in clinical terms it means a sociopath or a psychopath. It is short for Antisocial Personality Disorder. I will be using the clinical definition in this blog.
Cluster B Personality Disorders
The Cluster B personality disorders include; narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder. People with these personality disorders are often dramatic and quite adept at emotional manipulation.
Defense Mechanisms
Coping mechanisms that reduce anxiety generated by threats from unacceptable or negative impulses. Defense mechanisms, which are unconscious and typically unhealthy, are not to be confused with conscious coping strategies which are typically healthy. Common defense mechanisms are; denial, projection and repression.
Denial
A psychological defense mechanism often employed by narcissists. Denial is the assertation that a statement or allegation is not true. "That didn't happen." "I never said that." It is only denial if the event actually did occur and the narcissist denies it.
Devaluation
Devaluation is an example "Feelings Create Facts" - where for a person with a personality disorder, their feelings take priority over what the facts actually tell them. If they experience a mood swing and suddenly feel good or bad about a particular person or situation, they can modify their opinions, memories or attitudes to be consistent those feelings, regardless of any apparent contradictions. Devaluation is the process of attributing exaggeratedly negative qualities to another when the narcissist is unhappy with them.
Gaslighting
The practice of brainwashing or convincing a mentally healthy individual that they are going insane or that their understanding of reality is mistaken or false. This can involve simple denial, "that didn't happen" (when it did), outright lying, "I told you that before" (when no such statement was made) or creating a bizarre situation to prove their version of reality.
Guilt Tripping
A technique used by an emotional manipulator to make the victim feel guilty for not doing what the manipulator wants. The manipulator is typically someone who has no sense of remorse and views someone who does as weak and therefore to be manipulated. So they play on the victim's sense of remorse to get them to get their way.
Idealization
Idealization is an example "Feelings Create Facts" - where for a person with a personality disorder, their feelings take priority over what the facts actually tell them. If they experience a mood swing and suddenly feel good or bad about a particular person or situation, they can modify their opinions, memories or attitudes to be consistent those feelings, regardless of any apparent contradictions. Idealization then is a mental mechanism in which the narcissist attributes exaggeratedly positive qualities to another when they are feeling particularly good about that person.
Narcissism
Narcissism in the vernacular typical means someone who is in love with themselves. Actually, narcissists are full of self-loathing and it is this self-loathing which creates some of their most desperate, and bizarre behaviors as they attempt to cover the void inside themselves or their true selves by erecting a false self. Narcissism is typically characterized by a host of behaviors which can include, but is not limited to; a pattern of grandiosity, self-centered focus, need for admiration, self-serving attitude and a lack of empathy or consideration for others.
Narcissistic Supply
Attention. Anything, or anyone, which feeds the narcissist's ego and keeps them artificially pumped up with the attention, admiration and/or deference of others. This can come in the form of admiration, appreciation, interpersonal support or emotional sustenance. This term is typically used in a negative sense, describing a pathological or excessive need for attention or admiration which does not take into account the feeling, opinions or preferences of other people.
Playing the Victim Role
One of the easiest ways to spot an manipulator is that they often attempt to establish intimacy through the early sharing of deeply personal information that generates sympathy. This tactic involves portraying oneself as an innocent victim of circumstances or someone else's behavior in order to gain sympathy, evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. It also works to create in us a sense of guilt and obligation to help them. Initially you may perceive this type of person as very sensitive, emotionally open and maybe a little vulnerable. But you will soon find there will always be a problem or a crisis to overcome One thing that they know is the fact that less calloused and less hostile personalities usually can't stand to see anyone suffering. Therefore, they will convince you that they are suffering in some way, and they want you to relieve their distress. They will convince you to fight their battles then, when the time comes they say they never asked you to fight and they escape from the scene.You cannot attack these people as it gives them more to complain and garner more supporters. The best response is to avoid being thrown off balance by their ploys and avoid buying into their guilt.
Projection
One of the narcissist's favorite defense mechanisms, along with denial. Projection is the act or technique of defending themselves against unpleasant impulses by denying their existence in themselves, while attributing them to others. For instance, a narcissist may accuse others of being "selfish" or "unfeeling" when this is really their symptom. They also project their feelings onto others if they feel they are unacceptable, such as accusing someone who is calm of being "angry" when it is really the narcissist who is angry.
Rationalization
A rationalization is the excuse an aggressor tries to offer for engaging in an inappropriate or harmful behavior. It can be an effective tactic, especially when the explanation or justification the aggressor offers makes just enough sense and at that time you feels he/she is correct with his/her act. If the aggressor can convince you he's justified in whatever he's doing, then he's free to pursue his goals without interference
Scapegoat
Singling out an individual, typically a child in the family, for unmerited negative treatment or blame.
Splitting
Splitting can mean different things in different places. For the purposes of this blog and for discussing narcissism splitting will defined as the manipulation of turning two people against each other by talking to each one behind the back of the other, getting them to dislike or distrust each other, which leaves the manipulator in a position of control. Splitting can also be used to describe the practice of regarding people and situations as either completely "good" or completely "bad". This will be referred to in this blog as Idealization and Devaluation.